There are many such pearls of wisdom that sometimes appear on tee shirts at the beach. People will do some strange things while at the beach. You know the “I’m with Stupidà” kind of shirts. Living in a Biscuit Belt state, we often see such things in everyday downtown life, instead of at the beach where it might be deemed whimsical. My firm once donated a collection of Firm branded tee shirts to a charity and they ended upon a regularly visible group of men who daily drank cheap wine out of bottles in brown bags. Well, so much for either good intentions or marketing efforts.
Writing a monthly “Alleged Humor” article is easy because as the boys on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour say, “You can’t make this stuff up.” It just happens around you and you are just the reporter. As comedian Ron White says with a Texas drawl: “You can’t fix stupid.” Stupid does seem to be gaining some ground, at least where I am located.
When you follow the Seinfeld model of doing an article about nothing, it should be easy but sometimes you get a writer’s block. As Oscar Wilde said, “I have spent most of the day putting in a comma and the rest of day taking it out.” I was getting as nervous as a Baghdad parking lot attendant when I realized I had a publishing deadline approaching, albeit a self-imposed deadline for which absolutely nothing would happen if I missed it. But as a type A, only child, it seemed to matter to me and to my imaginary friend. It was almost like when the voices in my head argue among themselves, as if I wasn’t even in the room.
I do try to look about me for inspiration and I read daily sources of information, including even holding those old-fashioned sheets of thin paper and drinking coffee while I read them. I also look at that inter webbie thing for information while drinking coffee. That was a beverage habit I developed as a spanking new lawyer. There was the huge law library and there was a coffee pot in the room next to it. We became friends.
Perhaps because they saw depictions of chain smokers with endless coffee and pressing deadlines, some felt too much coffee was bad. I have lots of habits, and now coffee is not bad for you reports the Washington Post and the New York Times. Three to five cups a day (considered moderate) drinkers had clearer arteries. Even a 2012 New England Journal of Medicine study found that older adults drinking coffee had a lower risk of death than those who did not drink it. Harvard’s School of Public Health tracked 50,000 women and said those who drank four or more cups of coffee with caffeine were 20% less likely to develop depression. They stopped short of saying to women to drink more coffee. Even Diabetes Care said women had a lower diabetes risk if they were coffee drinkers.
Of course, you wonder if Starbucks funded any of these studies. I do not want to investigate and I am just happy that some (one) of my habits is in vogue. My new friend, The Antioxidant, seems in play in beer, wine, whiskey and coffee. If I can only get a reliable study done for either Biscuits and Gravy or Krispy Kreme donuts, I’ll be happy. You know you always want to be thin and lose weight – when you are not hungry.
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