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INTIMACY AND YOUR ARTHRITIS

8/2/2013

 
     Being frugal, and not cheap as the Mrs. often claims, I joined AARP as soon as possible when a friend told me how much you saved on movie admissions.  The bargain rate even applied under my membership to the Mrs. who was younger and not then bowl eligible.

     As part of my membership in this old age Union Shop, I get lots of stuff from them in every media form available.  Sometimes I even read the stuff and occasionally get just amazed at what they tell the oldsters.

     Holy . . . . Batman!  This month they advise me that sex is good for joint pain (okay, I’ll use the A word, “arthritis”).  Never in my youthful male thoughts and dreams did I ever imagine that some doctor might someday give me such a prescription for this.  The medical types say however that sex is surprisingly good for the joints.

     Now that I have your full attention, I can report that sex is a “low impact exercise” according to AARP:

     “Sex is terrific for people with arthritis,” says Palo Alto sex therapist Marty Klein, Ph.D.  “Sex involves gentle, range-of-motion exercise, which minimizes pain and inflammation.  It also releases endorphins, the body’s natural pain relievers.  Sex strengthens the muscles around the joints, which helps support them.  And it’s mood-elevating, which likewise helps alleviate pain.”

     Given its target audience, the AARP circular advised some pre-planning for the big event to allow for “gentle stretching” so you do not pull a hammy.  They also said to schedule it at a time of the day when your nagging symptoms cause the least discomfort.  Perhaps a warm tub bath or shower first to soothe the joints before the big event they say.  Of course, they recommended you take your meds first (like Tylenol, Motrin, Advil or Aleve) so you can bring your “A” game.  So the “full range of motion” for your aching joints includes activities between the sheets.

     “Hey baby:  At 4:00 p.m. today I’ll take my Aleve, put on my knee brace after a good warm bath.  I’ll stretch out the hamstring and meet you in the master bedroom.”  Well good luck with that.  “What do you mean you are going shopping then?  I have already loosened up and AARP says this will be good for my knee.”  As Doctor Phil says:  “How is that advice working for you?”


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    Having written and published an allegedly humorous book while travelling to lawyers' meetings, Steve was counseled by his friends to keep his day job. This site allows him to do both.

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