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PASSWORDS AND US OLD PEOPLE

2/17/2016

 
 
 
 
                    When we got our first room-sized office computer around 1980, I resolved to stay ahead of this beast of change called Technology.  I have done my very best to keep at it, but damn – it keeps changing.  I recently was given “Tiles” to place on keys and such so all could be located with my smarter than me cell phone.  By the way, that tech fails if you forget where you put your cell phone.
                    The biggest flaw in this Technology is Your Friend approach is the key to get into the technology – the password.  A site known as Gizmodo posted the 2015 most popular passwords.  It seems an outfit known as SplashData runs millions of stolen passwords made public during the last year and then ranked them in order of popularity.  Keeping in mind that they did not work, as in were stolen, the list included:
 
#1  “123456”
[Yes, you let your pre-kindergarten child
watch Sprout and she picked this]
 
#2  “password”
[I hope you are mechanical, since you
are not creative]
 
#3  “12345678”
[Your IT group told you to use a more complex password
and this is what you came up with?]
 
#7  “football”
[Yes, you played and did not wear a helmet]
 
#10  “baseball”
[You were not even trying]
 
#19  “letmein”
[Using a Chinese dish was at least creative]
 
#20  “login”
[That is not Chinese you idiot]
 
#25  “starwars”
[Avant-garde and trendy, but no]
 
                    So, being a tech savvy boomer myself, I used the Inter-Webbie thingy and found another Gizmodo article which advises me to store my passwords in my subconscious.  So some scientists advise to use so-called “procedure memories” like the unconscious ability to remember how to ride a bike, or play a guitar, that is stored deep in the frontal cortex.  So I am to develop mental muscle memory by typing in the same long password over and over.  Wait – did I mention that I got Tiles for Christmas so I would not forget where my keys and such were stored in the refrigerator.
                    I am thinking I have logged on with way too many sites in my remarkably long inter-webbie history.  Each site expects me to have unusually strong unique passwords, even to order my coffee filters.  It seems that the evil hackers have access to password dictionaries and there are computer programs and there is enough power available to test 400,000 passwords per second at a cost of only 28 cents per minute.  So the IRS, Social Security cannot avoid being password hacked, but I am expected to have a “secure” password not following some pattern.  The Lifehacker’s site advises that the only secure password is the one you can’t remember.  They advise using a dedicated password management system that generates new complex passwords for each site.  Guess what – you need a password to get into your dedicated password system.
                    I seem to be seeing a circle here.  My security questions seem to be getting harder to answer.  Perhaps multiple choice questions should be used there and the use of Tiles for my boomer friends if you can find your phone and remember its password, you can then use the tile locator and find yourself if you have one of those tiles in your pocket.  I think I am totally tech secure since I cannot remember my password(s).

 
 
 










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    Having written and published an allegedly humorous book while travelling to lawyers' meetings, Steve was counseled by his friends to keep his day job. This site allows him to do both.

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